When Abigail was still a tiny baby and then a toddler, we could hide her delays and eventually her autism. Those close to us knew that she had major delays and autism but the general public did not or so we thought. One day when I had to take Abigail to urgent care for yet another ear infection, I was called out on my deceptions.
Abigail was about three years old. She obviously had huge delays. She only ate pureed foods, was not potty-trained, did not communicate in any form, was completely non-verbal, and had major tantrums for no apparent reason. Still, I thought the general public could not tell that it was autism that did this to her.
As the nurse took her vitals, the nurse looked at me and said, "She has autism, doesn't she?" I said, "Yes". But in my mind I was wondering how in the world she was able to diagnose this in my child. The nurse says, "My friend has a son with autism and he has that same look in his eyes". I know the look she is describing.
The look is a blankness. The eyes have a lack of focus to them. The eyes look over you, not at you. There is not a stare, but a glance. It is a sense of I am here in this room with you, but not present in what you are doing. I knew the look all too well. I had been living with the look for almost all of her three years of life.
I remember coming home and being mad and sad and a feeling of being caught in a lie. I came home and told my husband, "Can you believe she knew Abigail had autism just from looking at her for a couple of minutes?" My husband looked at me like I was crazy and said, "She does have autism, so what is the problem?"
It was my problem because I did not want others to judge her abilities because she had autism. I did not want others to give me the sympathy look when they saw us together. I did not want the general public to be able to know she was not the "typical" child. I wanted to protect her from any strange looks, rude comments, basically anything or anyone that could possibly hurt her an any way.
As she has gotten older, I realize I can not do that. There are going to be comments, stares, and criticism. I now am able to tell others she has autism before the stares and comments come. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of that label. I, like all parents with kids with autism, wish she did not have that label but it is our truth. We can not hide from the truth or pretend the truth does not exist. I state very clearly, happily, and proudly...My daughter has autism. She is an amazing little girl who constantly surprises me with her abilities.
For those of you who do not know much about autism, I urge you to research it. We are out there in your communities and our children are in your schools. We only want acceptance and understanding from you. We want the same things you want for your children. We want happiness, friendship, love, and support for our children. We don't want you to feel sorry for us, just be there for us.
My daughter has made me grow in so many ways. She taught me that her diagnosis and label was not the definition of her life. She has made me stronger, wiser, and a lot more patient. She has made me fight harder for what she deserves and to stop and smell the roses. I wish this self revelation on all parents but especially all of the moms and dads with special needs children.
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