September was a long month. So glad to say I made it through, barely. September started with Abigail starting back to school for her last year in her AU Pre-K classroom. I was so glad to be getting her back into school, into a routine, back with teachers she knows and loves.
Over the first couple of weeks of school, Abigail's ADHD has gone crazy. She is sleeping on average two hours a night. She is running wild and not focusing on anything. Mommy is exhausted and wondering what will happen if she is always like this. Will I be able to keep up to her in 5, 10, 15 years if this behavior stays the same?
We are now three months into the school year and I am sad to say that I see huge progress with some of the other kids in Abigail's classroom and not so much with Abigail. She has now become the wild child in the classroom. I am hopinig with time this will change and I know that with autism, there is always times of huge progress and times where the progress stalls. This too shall pass.
Audrey was evaluated for the school's pre-k program this summer and in September, we were told she has developmental delays. She is behind in her speech development, fine and gross motor skills. In other words, yet another not typical child. She is getting therapy at the school and is in school three days a week now. She is doing so wonderful with her therapies and classroom behavior and we are very proud. We are hoping with each new day, she will continue to make amazing progress and be ready to be mainstreamed by the time she hits kindergarten.
The day I had been dreading all summer came on September 16th. I could feel myself getting more and more nervous and anxious with every day that passed. On September 16th, not only did Allie turn two but she also was diagnosed with autism. During the psychologist evaluation, I could feel myself wanting to cry but I don't allow myself to do so in front of others. It is something I really need to work on but I just can't allow myself to do so because then others would have to feel sorry for me and I do not want any one else to worry about me because of my daughter's disabilities. The psychologist visit came and went. Being the person I am, the moment the psychologist left, I had to run out to the store and get the cake because well we had a birthday party to celebrate. I only cried once that day. On the way to the store, I heard "She qualifies for an autism diagnosis" over and over in my head.
For most people, these kids are "cases" or "patients" or "students". For me, they are my babies. Getting a diagnosis is so difficult. It takes away what you had planned for your children's lives. Your whole outlook on their life and their paths changes. Not one day has passed since Abigail was diagnosed where autism did not rear its ugly head in my life. I am a mom of two daughters who are beautiful, smart, talented, funny, and who also happen to have autism.
So I am now a special needs parent. I have found a strength inside of myself that I did not believe existed. These girls have tested me. They gave me strength to fight for them. They have given me patience to go on their paths at their own pace. I am not the emotional mess I was after Abigail was diagnosed. I have moments that are hard. I have days that I don't think I can take one more meltdown or scream. But I keep going on. I have a choice....let this destroy me or accept this for what it is and go on. I need to accept this and embrace this for my own sanity but also for three little girls who need me to show them what strength is and that in life, there are no guarantees and you have to roll with what you are given. I hope they grow up to know that life is difficult but you do the best you can with the hand you have been given.
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